Peter Cavanaugh

The Trumpster loves being the center of attention


He now has the longest one in human history — tops for all time.

That’s possibly what the extended government shutdown was always about.

Our Demander-n-Chief is failing spectacularly in a colossal collapse, signaling a conspicuous, unmitigated, disastrous conclusion to the most injurious presidency in the lifetime of our republic.

But that’s not news, so let’s move along to more interesting Oakhurst topics.

According to national averages, less than two percent of our eastern Madera County pets enjoy adequate health insurance.

The Dirty Donkey is gone, soon to be replaced at its old location by the Elegant Elephant.

It is inadvisable to drive Highway 41 blindfolded.

Things are turning green around here. Where’s the snow?

Tom Wheeler should get more time on TV. That clean air commercial doesn’t do him justice.

Let’s have the homeless stay at Erna’s.

No one living in a Census Designated Place should have to pay taxes.

Oakhurst is a Census Designated Place.

Dogs who meow should be considered bilingual.

I hate that commercial were some guy floats a pizza slice across the pool and looks proud. That’s a jerk smirk.

I also have no toleration for that wimp in the TV cellphone ads. You’ll never see his kind in a cozy biker bar.

Now, back to Trump.

It’s always a good thing to focus on the forest – not the trees. For Fox & Friends, this means looking at the big picture. As pieces fall into place and slowly present a puzzle finally solved after nearly two years of “witch hunting” – prepare to be astounded at the length and breadth of bitter betrayal by Donald and his disciples.

The list of enablers will have to include Senate Majority Leader Mitch McConnell and every Washington Republican who chose party over public trust, including our own Fourth District Congressional Representative Tom McClintock – all having “danced with the devil in the pale moonlight.” – those chilling words spoken by Jack Nicholson as The Joker in “Batman” (1989). Yeah. 30 years ago. Some things don’t change.

The Trumpster loves being the center of attention and he’s got such a full spotlight forcefully burning with white hot glare from this point forward — he can throw away his tanning lamp. But I’ll miss those weird white circles around his beady little eyes providing him with an endearing raccoon-like visage. I like to imagine him thoughtfully washing his food in a cool mountain stream like Lewis Creek, starting with those two big scoops of ice cream. Yum.

When Eileen and I moved to Oakhurst from Michigan over a dozen years ago, I had never heard of Nancy Pelosi. That didn’t last long around these parts. That name kept coming up all the time in “Pelosi jokes” enthusiastically shared at pubic gatherings, her name replacing various nationalities normally on the receiving end of obviously spurious commentary.

How many Pelosis does it take to change a light bulb? Three. One to hold the light bulb and two to turn the ladder.

Why did Nancy Pelosi put lipstick on her head? She was trying to make up her mind.

Ninety-nine percent of Pelosis give the rest a bad name.

Stuff like that.

Don’t look now, but guess who’s second in line for the presidency?

And she would be terrific.

President Pelosi may yet have the very last laugh.