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Loss of a loved one and potential help

By Robert Lynch / Guest commentary

(Updated: Thursday, January 26, 2012, 4:26 PM)

Almost all of us have experienced the loss of a loved one. This can be one of the most devastating things we will ever experience. The death of an elderly parent or friend often times is more tolerable than other losses if that person has lived a full and happy life. However, to lose a newly-born or young child who has not experienced life can be almost unbearable.

The reaction is very different from person to person. One's religion or other issues can play an important part in how a person will cope. No one has the ability to know what a person goes through when they experience a loss. We, as individuals, experience life in our own way.

I lost a son. He was the last person in the world that should have had anything bad happen to him. He was a very happy person who got along with everyone. He was shot and killed on the way to class at his Bay Area university. It was ruled a "mistaken identity" killing. He was 24 years of age and I can honestly say I had never seen him mad in those 24 years.

He has been dead now for more than five years and I can not get over his death. Yes, people tell me the obvious -- he is gone and I should accept his death -- but I just can't.

Why does a child have to die during birth or a solider killed keeping us safe? There are no acceptable reasons to me. But those deaths do happen. A person killed in a car accident that was not their fault. I could go and on. Whatever your feelings are, don't feel guilty for your feelings.

I'd like to give you something to consider ... something that has made it easier with my situation. My son was a few months away from receiving his Fine Arts Degree. College costs were staggering and he was working full time and attending the university in order to receive his education. He loved art and had an understanding about art and the artist which was seldom understood by others.

His mother and I started an art education and scholarship program in his name and honor, the Daniel Robert Lynch (DRL) Art Education and Scholarship Program. It is a program which provides grants to art teachers to help where school budgets fall short. The program also awards two scholarships to graduating students who come from disadvantaged families who could not qualify for a student loan to a college or university.

My son Daniel saw many students at the university who had to quit their education because of the costs, students who loved art and had a gift and were willing to do anything it took to receive their degree, but just couldn't make it. Daniel believed that there were two types of people, those who were "takers" and those who were "givers." He was all for helping a person in need if they were the type to "help themselves" when given assistance.

This art program has helped my wife and me in so many ways. As I noted before, one thing that you perhaps can do to help cope with the loss of your loved one is to research an area that your loved one had a special interest in, such as art, music, drama or sports where you can help others in need. There is very likely a great need in the community for help in an area that was special to your loved one.

If your loved one liked plays, perhaps you could put on a special play each year in your loved one's name. Believe me, that will help you through your grief. No, it won't make it go away, but it will give you a great sense of accomplishment. Please give it some thought.

If you have the time or desire to start a program in your loved one's honor and memory, do some checking into your local programs that fit within your loved one's liking. If there is already a program that meets your requirement, make a yearly donation to that program in your loved one's memory.

If you see a need to start your own program, do some research on how to proceed. You will feel the benefit for your effort. Please feel free to contact me for any assistance or answers to your questions.My email address is Lynchrm@digis.net.

Editor's Note: The Sierra Star ran a story about Daniel Lynch, the book "Daniel's Dream" and the DRL Art Education and Scholarship Foundation. Details: danielsdream.webs.com, dansinpiration.com.