Be firm when it comes to kids and texting

Parent Connection

By Bryan Greeson

(Updated: Wednesday, May 07, 2008, 6:20 PM)

For the first evening in more than a week, the entire family is at the table. Mom, dad, teenage Bradley and tween Susie have all just sat down. Dad smiles to himself and silently vows that the family just has to find a way to do this more often.

After a long overdue blessing is given, mom and dad begin to enjoy the family conversation. All is well until Susie's cell interrupts the family chat room. Dad swallows his reprimand and thinks to himself, well, it's just one interruption. No big deal. Susie's hands leave her fork and napkin and disappear under the table. Her occasional mumbling of "uh huh, mmm, uh huh" is in harmony with the taptaptap, taptap, taptaptaptap of her cell as she magically punches the tiny keyboard with more ease than Tiger Woods sinking a three-foot putt.

As Susie's ringtone blares Flo Rida's "Low" for the eighth time in 3 minutes, dad can't take it anymore.

"OK! That's enough! We haven't eaten together as a family for a week. Take your cell up to your room and come back down and talk with your family."

Dad smiles as Susie complies. Of course, mom knows the truth. Tween Susie does rejoin the family table, but doesn't say a word for the rest of suppertime. Her pouting would make a 3-year-old proud.

Text messaging, or "texting" at the table is just one of the latest challenges to family time. How do parents deal with kids, tweens and teens who just can't put down the cell at the table? I think the answer is twofold.

First, mom and dad shouldn't ignore the issue of basic manners. Think about it. Would you let your kids show up at the dinner table with a comic book, hand held video game, or the latest Harry Potter book? Most folks would consider this rude because the message is you guys are boring, so I'm bringing something to the table to entertain me. I bet if a teen dude showed up on a first date with this attitude, it would be his last.

Second, I think parents need to consider their children's ages. I would suggest that parents be stricter about cell phones at the table with younger kids, but let loose a bit as the kids get older. For example, if our two daughters are home from college and occasionally answer their cell while at the table, we have no problem with that. They are well versed in good manners, and we know aren't bored with us. Neither would let the cell overpower our time together (and wouldn't rush away from the table just because the cell ringtone sings).

However, if you have younger kids and tweens, you are setting the stage as parents to the entire arena of social skills. Don't let your kids get fixated on constantly being in touch with friends through wireless waves and not learn the importance of "face time" with others. Teaching good social skills may very well start at your dining room table. Consider what stage your family is in today and set guidelines that will promote good social skills tomorrow.