You should take the deal

Parent Connection

By Bryan Greeson

(Updated: Wednesday, March 19, 2008, 5:45 PM)

Our older daughter, Becca, is in the midst of her student teaching and enjoying every moment of it. She is now in charge of her first grade classroom from the morning bell until time for daily dismissal. It has its headaches, but for the most part it's a real joy.

Then there's the humor. Having 20-plus first grade kids together day after day is going to bring about some interesting stories. As Becca and her mentoring teacher were discussing this, her mentor gave some sound advice. Each year when she has her parents together for the first open house, she tells them about her exciting plans for the students. Then she tells the parents, "By the way, I'll make a deal with all of you. If you won't believe everything your child tells you about me here at school, I won't believe everything he or she tells me about you at home!"

I don't know about you, but if I'm playing a round of Deal or No Deal, I'd take the deal. Why is it that some parents would choose to storm into their child's school and demand to see that kindergarten teacher who didn't let little Bradley eat lunch today just because he forgot to wash his hands at morning break?

Ludicrous? Oh, you'd BE surprised. I think many of today's millennium parents don't want to believe that their child would ever lie or exaggerate about certain situations. Yes, lying should never be tolerated by parents, but it's important to note that young children exaggerating and telling some pretty wild tales is just kids being kids. The key is for parents to not be alarmed by such tales, but to deal with it calmly and firmly. Sitting down with little ones and having a talk when such a situation arises will often do the trick. "Bradley, don't tell me your teacher is mean and won't let you eat lunch. That's nonsense. What really happened at school?"

If you find yourself with a repeat offender on your hands, do some investigating. When mom picks little Bradley up from school, takes him by the hand back to his kindergarten class, and confronts the stories he's telling about his teacher? That should put a lid on his dishonesty or exaggerations.

Remember how the veteran teacher's deal with parents went both ways? If you don't want your child spilling the beans to his teacher (or the entire class) about things going on at home, keep this in mind. You as adults need to expect some privacy in your home. To be the loving parent, you don't have to include your kids in every conversation and situation in life.

Parents need to find privacy when resolving a marital conflict, discussing personal matters together, or when talking on the phone when you think no one else is listening. That way, hopefully it won't be your kid that announces to the classroom on Monday morning, "My mom whispered to my dad that if he didn't clean out the garage Saturday afternoon, he wasn't getting any sugar in his coffee on Saturday night. Funny, I've never seen him put sugar in his coffee."

Bryan Greeson, a nationally certified School Psychologist residing in Gastonia, NC, answers your questions. E-Mail him at parentconnection@hotmail.com.